uNCeLeBRaTeD BiRTHDaY...!!!

written by Iz

OMG...!!! How I wish I have this kind of cake for my upcoming birthday. Well it's just gonna be another dream that won't come true.

Before that, I would like to wish Happy 11th Birthday to my youngest sister, Masyitah Zulaikha. It's her birthday today and guess what? We're not celebrating. Why? Because my family is practically broke. Due to my Dad's lack of attention to the family and more attention given to a violent woman which threatened to call her gang if my Dad ever call her again, we're facing bankruptcy (money spent for her). My Dad got into a really nasty fight at a night club with that woman (which used to be his mistress) which involved knife thingy (cause of fight unknown), they broke up. But I won't be celebrating the end of their affair yet because they've been broken up many times already and they still get back together. I guess my Dad's love life is way more complicated than mine.

Well, back to the topic (sorry for digressing). It was such an unfortunate event as my sister won't be celebrating her 11th birthday. As for me, it's nothing new. People might find this odd, but going through 18 going on 19 years of my life, I only celebrated my birthday twice. The first one they got me a "congkak", and the second one my Mom gave me some money so I can find my own cake at the bakery. Yeah, birthday is not our thing. At least, not for my family. I see all my cousins celebrate their birthday every year, having a feast every time the day comes. But not for my family.

I don't know why but my parents never seem to care about their children's birthday. Maybe it's just an indicator that their children get another year older. Yes, they remember the dates and wish us happy birthday, but never a celebration.

It moves me to see my friends celebrating their birthdays. I can't help but to envy them. Birthday seems to be so meaningful to others but not to my family, apparently. Well, being the "black sheep" in the family (the good way) made me different from other members of my family. I would really love to celebrate my birthday. Getting presents from friends and family, or maybe even a surprise party. But all of that only dwell in my fantasy because it will never happen.

As I get older, I feel the need to be loved more and more. Apparently, I don't get that from my family. As if we were obligated to love one another because we are family. There's no such affection and expression of love. I never feel the love in this house. That explains why I love spending time with my friends. Yet, I still feel empty.

I feel sorry for my sister because her 11th birthday will be meaningless as it is just another ordinary day. I didn't really care about birthday either when I was small, but as I get older I feel sorry for my childhood because there was no such memory, and I can't help feeling sorry for myself (no sympathy intended). If I had the power, I wouldn't want my younger siblings to face whatever things that I have faced, but what can I do?

If my family were not to be bankrupt, I don't think we're gonna have a celebration anyway. I have foreshadowed that the very same thing will happen on my birthday. At least, I will get birthday wishes from my friends on Facebook. Not so bad, huh?