JuST aNoTHeR DaY...!!!

written by Iz

Hi guys...

It's just one more day from raya and here I am staying at my brother's house...Tonight is the last night for Muslim's to perform their tarawikh prayer and tomorrow will be the final day of fasting...Whether we realize it or not, it's been one month already..Some people might be pretty excited, or should I say, REALLY excited to celebrate raya, but unfortunately for me, it's gonna be just another day...

Heartless, you say? Yes, I don't blame you if you have such thought about me now...I don't blame myself either for growing up into such kind of person...Yes, I know such days are special but I just don't feel the vibe...

Let me tell you, it's pretty hard to be Iz Rijap. It's not that I'm trying to get sympathy or make people to feel sorry for me, yet to make me feel sorry for myself...I'm telling you this because I think it's time for people to get to know me a little bit better...

You might see that Iz is a bubbly guy who always laugh out loudly and can't stop talking...You can say that I'm such a happy-go-lucky person...But deep down inside me, I'm strong empty...I just don't know why but this is the reality of my life...

I grew up in a problematic family...I grew up hating my dad...I never liked him, until few years back when I realized that he has changed a lot since my parents got divorced for the 2nd time...After they got together again after their 2nd divorce, I can see that my dad is trying to be a better man...I think that's why he let me have my driving license before I finished SPM and allowed me to bring my car to school...

The reason I hated my dad so much is because he was a hot-tempered person...I was the only child who got beaten up by my dad starting when I was 4 years old...I've been beaten up by him until I lost count already...At first I thought he would treat my other siblings the same as he treated me, but nothing...The worst thing that my siblings ever got from my dad was just a big shout from him...

I grew up into a hater, who always have vengeance towards everything...That's why I feel empty inside...I never feel loved by my family..Heck, I somehow don't know what is love actually...Sometimes, I think the affection that I had towards people was love...But if love is so great, why does it hurts so much???

I grew up in a family that doesn't really know how to show what is love...From what I experienced in this family, when they shout at you and curse you for your mistakes, that is what they call hatred love...Except for my mom, she's not that kind of person...I think I'm so fortunate to have that kind of mother...

I prefer to spend time with my friends compared to spending time with my family...I think it's because most of my friends know how to express themselves and I feel that they care about my well-being when I am around them...My family doesn't approve my principle which is to care more about friends than family, but if you ask me, who would you rather care for??? I think you can think of the answer by yourself, based on what kind of family you are living in...

I don't feel the vibe of raya this year because since I was small, I don't feel the spirit of raya...Eventhough I'll always get new baju melayu every year, duit raya from my parents and other relatives, eating rendang and lemang plus ketupat on the first day of syawal, I just don't feel it because I never do what other people do...

My family didn't teach me how every year of raya we have to seek forgiveness from our parents...To tell you the truth, I never did that to my parents because I didn't know that was necessary...Not that I'm blaming them, but when I realized that we should do that in this teen age it's kinda odd to start something new out of your tradition, you know? I shook their hands every year, but what for??? For the forgiveness duit raya...

I don't have the bond that people have with their family...Another thing that I feel so strong empty about...That's why I'm so not close with my older brother...As far as I remembered, last time we met was 4 months ago and our meeting was less than 30 seconds...

You know when I see Acap looking for cartoon movie in my laptop, I can see that he cares about his little brother a lot...I asked him:"How does it feels to be such a caring brother?" He said:"It feels great." I just smile at him and let him continue searching the movie for his beloved little brother...How I wish I can be just like him...

When I went to Azhann's home in Rawang, I envy the bond that he shares with his brothers...When they need to separate from each other, they would shake hands, the younger ones would kiss the older ones' hands, and they would give each other slaps kisses on the cheek...When I saw that I feel touched with their bond, but I wonder at the same time..."Why didn't I have that with my siblings?"

Basically, my siblings and I would throw things shouts at each other everyday...We don't get along pretty well...That's why I don't even see my brother so often when I'm here...But another thing is maybe because the house that he is renting right now is so dirty...I mean, drop dead dirty...!!! He said it's normal for dirty bachelor guys to have house like this...He even said that there are houses more dirty then his...

Room 1

Room 2

My brother's room

The narrow staircase

The living room

The kitchen

The bikes in the living room

Okay, maybe I overreacted exaggerated a little bit. It's not that dirty, but messy. The only thing that I like in here is the green bike that is put in the living room...The bike is actually belong to my bro's room mate who happens to go back to his home town...

I'm loving it...(^o^)

I just don't know how am I gonna survive in this dirty messy house...Seems like I really have to look on the floor and watch where I step...LOL

It's gonna raya soon and I'm gonna stuck here in this dirty messy house...I hope I can find a clean spot where can lie down and have my beauty sleep...Let's just hope that I can go out and get some fresh air out from this house...

We're gonna celebrate raya, but it's gonna be just another day...

Chiao...!!!